Homesick

It’s almost 10 pm, and I’m still sitting on the sofa on my laptop. My alarm will sound at an ungodly hour to wake me for another pointless Saturday at work. I can’t pull myself away from my laptop, even though at first sight there is nothing special on there.

Recently I’ve felt a bit lost. I know where I am and what I do, I do intentionally, but sometimes I stop and I’m surprised at the situation I am in. Tonight I had a little switch flick in me and I’ve decided to go for a complete overhaul. I used to be straight forward, down to earth, ready for action. I used to make my reputation count for itself. ‘Never regret anything’ used to be my motto. I never did.

Ever since I got into a ‘proper’ job, and got saddled up with all the responsibilities that come with such a job, I’ve been miserable. Lately, I’ve got the feeling I’m slowly burning out. So in my attempt to overhaul and research the internet for ways to cheer up and get back into my old exercise regime, I found back some stuff that used to define me.

Sikth - In this Light

Music. And now listening to that music, it all comes back to me. Who I used to be, what I used to do, what I used to stand for. What I stand for now, but am too tired to fight for. Some people might think I’m being childish, irresponsible, but I don’t care. In my opinion, I should work to live, not live to work. And I’ve cheated a lot of people out of their happy days by pretending otherwise.

Tomorrow morning at 5.30 am I will start the first day of the rest of my old life. I’m going to get back into shape, I’m going to have fun, care less and worry less. I’m going to stick more time in the people I call my friends, I’m going to follow up my ambitions, and if I get rejected or snubbed at or laughed at along the way, I’ll shrug and move on.

Life’s too short to constantly worry. And it is certainly too short to care about if anyone likes me or not.

Thank you for reading.

xx Chrisje

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